Okay so I'm being told that the pictures from Dr. Medford's shoot are WORSE than the initial pictures.
I have been pretty much FORCED to put up these pictures as my BlackBerry was stolen over a week ago with ALL of the pictures for Loaded and Bang. Basically, the people with my phone e-mailed me and are trying to bribe me saying that if I don't give them money, they will upload all the pictures to Facebook.
Okay, so even though this is a professional shoot and everything was done in a professional way, I still am paranoid about my body.
After seeing the pictures, I realise that these pictures are a lot more risque and less playful. I don't know why, but I seem to think it is down to the photographer/directors being male.
At the same time, they are there to shock and make people think.
The project itself has come to an end and no more pictures will be taken.
I decided to close it early before it gets too emotional, even though there are people who can see the point, a lot of you don't.
But just think of this, if a popular celebrity like Nicki Minaj were to do pictures like this, it wouldn't be seen as a bad thing.
It's undeniably true too.
So what has this project taught me and what have I found out about myself?
More and more guys started to give me the wrong attention (didn't take a fool to predict that that would happen), girls didn't really say as much.
I noticed guys who know me more than most guys were not ashamed, but saddened by these pictures because to them it looked like I was 'selling out for attention'.
More so, I lost out on a good thing, and that saddened me.
This project meant a lot to me and I learned that no matter what, I will have insecurities, but that's okay, I'm human and I'm far from perfect.
I also gained a stronger sense of 'self'.
I learned that a guy should see pass fronts and images I put up and know ME.
This project provoked people to spread hurtful things and to laugh at me rather than seeing the message, and to those who understood, I repeated this message on numerous occasions.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is I'm Paisleigh, I'm an artist and I'm a real person.
Don't look at what I can offer, but let my talent prove to you that I deserve to be out there with the best of them.
I'm not a porn star, not a slut and not one of those people who want to rely on my 'image' to get me somewhere.
I want to be that person people look at and feel proud to be who they are.
That person who young girls look at and don't have to feel like they need to be thin to succeed in life.
Because the truth is that nothing is impossible.
Don't chase the dream, life it, be it.
You can do anything you want, you just have to keep working hard and not let people or things distract you.
Keep your eye on the goal and you will succeed.
And to the guy I lost, I guess you weren't made for me and I wasn't made for you.
One day I'll find him.
One day you'll find her.
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